I came into this tutorial struggling with the lack of feedback on the art itself. To try to structure the tutorial and help JK understand the question I had (which was by no means clear to me), I used the old format of 'good, bad, ugly' that I used to use with my team. So my 'good, bad, ugly' were:
Good:
- I am exploring and expanding like crazy! I am discovering more and more and it's exciting
- "One month in my head" went well and was my first significant investment in a long term project
- The interim show went well, and did what I planned for it to do
- I've discovered and finally recognised that my work expresses a deep morose anger about what happened to me that I don't really feel in my day-to-day life, but which clearly exists at some deeper level
- I feel a real positive urgency to make work - I have lots of projects on the go, and I feel the need to keep making
Bad:
- I am far from my core skill-set of making work algorithmically. This is interesting and exciting and feels 'right' but means my vision for a piece often far exceeds my ability to realise it. I am forced to use cobble things together using ready-made components wherever I can - in some cases my 'pieces' being little more than an assemblage of ready-made items
- I feel I am working in a vacuum with very little external input
- I feel I am struggling to find enough time to make all the things I want to make
Ugly:
- I don't know WHY I am making art... It's for other people... but they don't get to see it. For me success isn't money or fame, it's people seeing and appreciating that I have something to say artistically. Failure is my partially rat-eaten corpse being found next to a dusty pile of my art which nobody has ever seen, and which is taken outside and burnt
This helped somewhat to frame the discussion, although my exact worry was still not very well articulated.
JK assured me that what I was doing was 'right' and I need to keep going. He said he was encouraged by some of the things I've said, especially the discovery and the urgency. He urged me not to think about the end of the course as 'the end' of my art making. He pointed out a few entries on my blog as being evidence that I am building that muscle to be able to be my own critic.
Feedback and how to get it
With regards to feedback, he suggested that my art could be very difficult for people to crit, as it clearly comes from somewhere very personal. In response to my challenge that almost every field places feedback front and centre, but it seems to be almost actively rejected in fine art, JK pointed out that fine art is unusual in that it's very hard to separate the art from the artist - to denigrate the art is to denigrate the artist themselves. I asked if that was like the psychotherapist principle that people's emotions are valid, even if they are not defensible (if you saying 'hi' makes me angry, my anger is still a valid and real response, even if it's not reasonable). JK agreed it was - good or bad, the artist's art is 'valid', it's their reality, and therefore critiquing it can be a VERY touchy business. He explained that giving feedback on art is an artform in it's own right. He explained that in a couple of the upcoming units, we have an exercise in giving feedback using very structured prompts that help to decouple the feedback on the art from being feedback on the artist themselves as a person.
JK said that ultimately the only person who can critique my art is me! He pointed out evidence on the blog that I am building that skill. We talked about sales as an analogy. JK said that great sales people probably seem to do what they do effortlessly. I pointed out that they are often terrible in their first pitch, but learn fast. JK said you probably send years refining your pitch, I said you do so in the context of customer feedback! Not explicit, but implicit.
Aesthetics
I shared that one area I am very uncomfortable with is aesthetics - I explained that I was scared I was making ugly art and wouldn't even know. JK explained it was something you develop over time, and that he could see evidence of my starting to develop it in the choices I describe making on the blog.
I asked if it could be 'learnt' or comes from working deeply with a material and/or form. JK said that you could, of course, learn some 'rules' like the golden ratio, and that was valid, but like many rules, you learn them to break them. He broadly agreed that it was something that developed out of relentless practice and a deep appreciation for what you are trying to do.
Finally he suggested I think about the piece I did for the interim show, the aesthetics of which I was very critical of, and think of different ways it could have been done with different aesthetics - he suggested for instance, with hand-made cards.
Update 4 May 2023
I had an overall feeling coming out of the tutorial that made sense, but I couldn't put it into words. I was an image of an empty railway station, with me sitting contemplatively on a bench. Chatting to Bethany, she's summarised it in words perfectly:
I hate to say it because it’s a craving you have but I deeply believe that wanting feedback is a fool’s errand. You’ll never get it. You might get helpful tit bits along the way that sometimes have a huge impact but I do think the grinding longing for feedback is something we as artists just need to conquer and dispense with. Trusting your own process is hard and lonely but it is the only way to your best work.
Yes. That. I am at peace I think...
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