Analysis of Unit 2 Group Crit Emotional Feedback (affirmative feedback to follow)

While I found the process nerve racking, it was very interesting and useful, and (of course) everyone was lovely. In general there were a lot of comments that affirmed things I already knew, which was good because it useful to see they reached other people. There were a few things I didn't agree with, which was a good chance to revisit, and a few things that hadn't occurred to me, which was really interesting.

I've tried to loosely group the feedback into themes, and to group common comments together.

Reactions to the video

• Many people liked the humour, finding it fun or playful, but many also saw darker shades behind it, and a few people had quite negative reactions ('scared', 'puzzled', 'dodged') which was very interesting (since I felt it had dark undertones but was fairly benign)
• Many people noted the performance aspect
• A few people commented that it was 'clever', which is kind, but also something I'm cautious of, perhaps too many years being passively aggressively put down using the term e.g. "Tom's very clever, but..." or "I'm sure what you have done is all very clever, but..."
• Catherine and JK correctly speculated that the video was itself a piece of 'art' (by which I guess I mean it wasn't fully intended to be taken literally, I guess)
• Madeliena wondered if humour was a protection mechanism, which of course it is - something I well-know about myself and often use deliberately - things getting tense? Maybe everyone laugh! Difficult question? Say something silly but funny
• Several people described the format as engaging, Lucy felt it drew her in, and Aston felt it helped him to listen despite his ADHD by engaging a different mode of listening (which was lovely and interesting)

Reactions to Tomgos and Tathos

• Several people were interested in the relationship between the two and the undercurrent of conflict
• George wondered about how much the 'alter ego' played in the work, which is interesting as a lot of people tend to identify me with Tomgos, but I feel like both, perhaps more Tathos
• Dee wondered what would happen if one of the pair took a holiday - my feeling is it would be disaster - Tomgos alone wouldn't know what he wanted to do (he needs Tathos's passion and ideas), and Tathos alone would have an amazing self-serving time but wouldn't bother to make anything (he needs Tomgos's discipline and critical questioning)
• Lais wondered how many other Toms were not invited to contribute - a very interesting question (in the 'cannon' there is definitely Little Tom and (whisper his name) Big Tom, but with the vague implication that there are more...) I've never involved any other Tom in the creative process - perhaps I should? I

Reactions to the work presented

• A lot of people felt the work was playful on the surface, but had hidden, perhaps sinister depths (yay! ;) )
• Sara described “a strange otherness within the work, almost a longing to find answers to very philosophical questions. I feel intrigued, emotional, melancholic”, which fits with the 'sad clown' persona I've been labelled with before, and which I guess I know is there - many things I do in my life are silly or playful or whimsical, but spiked with darker more wry, almost bitter depths - I adore things that can be taken in different ways, on different levels
• Chelsea wondered about my relationship to the pieces, and whether I am angry towards them or protective, which is interesting as the answer is definitely protective - they are my precious broken things
• Richard felt a sense of something trying to break out
• Eliza wondered how the work had helped me on my own journey - I think it's helped me understand that I am deeply angry without realising it, but on the whole art is the thing I escape to - generally if I'm making lots of art, it's a sign I'm sad, not happy, it's me escaping an everyday life I can't always fully manage

Other observations about the work

• Several people wondered if performance should be part of my work - a question I continue to ask myself and continue to tentatively answer 'no' - performance is problematic in many ways, but also somehow misses the point of art for me (sorry performance artists, I love you!)
• Several people (perhaps inevitably) wondered where all this was heading!
• Chelsea observed the work was delicate and careful, which I was very grateful for her noticing (so much care goes into the work, but I don't know how much is observable in the final product)
• JK wondered if the dialogue should be more evident in the work, or whether it was strictly part of the process for now (I'd say it's really just a trumped up analogy for the process)
• Sara saw a “subconscious surrealism” in the work, which is very flattering and something I've been exploring - magical realism perhaps
• Richard suggested I go big (right now I want to go small, but I'm open to the idea)
• Chelsea felt it's ok not to finish things if the lessons have been learnt - 100% agree, but the question for me then becomes "why finish anything?" and if you do finish some stuff, what, and why?
• Holly observed my use of the body in my work, trapped or encased, fragmented, which is very interesting as I've never really thought about the fact that I've moved from heads to hands - WTF, why haven't I realised?!
• Holly wondered what words I'd use to describe my more recent work (I think the ones above - detached but with dark depths - Tathos hidden by Tomgos)
• Martina was reminded of "poetic synecdoche" which sounds very interesting and I need to dig into that

Overall Conclusions and take-aways

• The work succeeds in creating emotional layers, as hoped, mainly light/humours/playful, with darker undertones of sadness/anger/conflict
• I'm glad I did the video as a piece of performance art, it was fun, and whilst it did distract from the work, as expected, it didn't do so disastrously, and it got a laugh
• At least one person identified the level of effort I put into the work
• I should consider if there's room for more Toms at the table, and if so, who they are, and what they might bring to the work... And if not, why not?
• I'm quite taken with the idea of "strange otherness" and "subconscious surrealism" as I feel it too (a coldness perhaps? Or a unnatural way of thinking? the careful calculated meticulousness of the unhinged??) and perhaps I should lean into it more? It feels like it connects to the null point and my pondering on what art death would make.
• I need to come up with some 'rules' about what I finish and why?
• I need to explore why I use body parts!
• I should try to understand what poetic synecdoche is, and whether it's significant

My hole

 Working title - I sort of like the ambiguity and slightly uncomfortable connotations which might lighten from an otherwise rather serious piece... 

I debated quite a lot whether to make this piece - it's very personal. A few months ago, a few events conspired to drive me to breaking point - in rage and frustration, I punched the sloping ceiling of my bedroom above my bed, with the main aim of hurting my fist. Luckily for the ceiling, but perhaps unluckily for me, I caught one of the joists resulting in a define 'win' for the ceiling, and a definite loss for my fist - although it did make for an impressive blood splatter.

I felt that the hole in the ceiling was potent, and I wanted to do something with it, even if it made me very uncomfortable, hell, BECAUSE it made me very uncomfortable. After speaking to a few people I trust, I felt strong enough to tackle it. I am very interested in the shape, especially the 3d shape. I'm also fascinated by the network of cracks. In the end, I settled on 3 different ways to record it:

1. Take a 3d cast of the hole
2. Make a 2d 'drawing' of the hole
3. Make a 3d scan of the hole

I spent a lot of time looking into ways of taking a cast - it's quite challenging because you need something that will stick enough to take a cast upside down, but which won't stick so much that you can't remove it. I experimented with polymer clay, but that was too sticky. I think the answer is alginate, but I haven't got a chance to test that yet (partly summer holidays, partly other projects, partly fear of slopping kilos of gunk-that-sticks-like-crazy-to-fabric above the place I sleep...). I still plan to do this before I fill in the hole. My current plan is to experiment with mixing plaster and wax to such that the plaster is like 'skin' and the wax is like deeper tissue. In this way I'm connecting an emotions/structural wound with a physical wound.

I decided to draw the hole using Inkscape. I found the process a great exercise in what to leave out - so many shapes, but I decided to simplify them. I also found choosing colours very challenging, initially sticking to the 'real' colours but slowly abandoning those for colours that 'worked'. Talking to the "dead critics" as well as my plan to explore 'wound-like' connotations made me think about healing, and I was struck by the idea of turning my single picture into a series which shows the ceiling hole slowly 'healing' up until it's almost gone.

At the same time, I've been exploring ideas for making 3d shapes in plaster to sell, and one idea I've had for a while is to use layers of laser-cut card to build up a 3d shape. This connected with the vector-graphics image above to make me want to explore creating a 3d representation of the healing hole by using layers of laser cut card. So that's what I did!

I am really pleased with it. I think it's probably my favourite thing I've made. Ever. No shit. This is the first 'hole', I'm working on the outlines for the next one in the series where the deepest layers are closing up.

There were a few more things I learnt from this:

• Prototyping is a wonderful thing - I made this piece twice, and the second version was so much better than the first.
• Finish makes a world of difference. For the prototype I hand mixed the colours. For this version I bought tester pots of household paint and lucked out - they came with built in miniature rollers - the finish is so much more professional as a result
• The mesh is a real part of the original hole, but I stylised it and stylised it... It went from being an 'oddity' to being a vital element of the final composition
• Buying a shadowbox frame for a tenner or so made a huge difference - art looks like art when you present it like art
• Thinking carefully about colours and prototyping them really paid off

I really like the aesthetics for this - it feels like my 'true' style - it portrays something visceral, violent, shocking, but presents it in a pared down, clean way