Interesting displacement map accident in blender - null point abstract

 Working on "Awkward Thoughts" last night and I was working up a slightly cracked displacement map for the heads, to give them a slightly less 'garden centre concrete' aesthetic ;) In the process I created this monstrosity:

It looks creepy because it's applied to my face, but actually that's not the interesting bit... The interesting bit is that this is exactly the sort of surface I've been imagining for the 'null point' abstract images. I think it's a bit derivative as it looks like an electron micrograph, but I want to explore it anyhow - I suspect it has something to teach me, if nothing else.

I feel like I owe it to Tomgos to go the distance and finish "Awkward Thoughts", especially as it's so close, but after that, I think I might do some experiments with displacement maps, geometry nodes, and non-photorealistic lighting in Blender - this is probably a good example where Blender is actually the natural place to do this - it has all the ingredients built-in, and whilst I'm usually too modest to say it, my Blender skills are actually quite advanced now.

Analysis of Unit 2 Group Crit Affirmative Feedback

The second section of the crit was people chipping in to give spoken statements starting "what worked for me". This was very nice, and affirming. Having listened to the recording of the comments, there was a lot less material than for the written 'emotional feedback', and covered a lot of the same ground, which was inevitable and healthy. 

Generally I would say: 

• As before, people saw the playfulness/humour overlaying deep emotions, without trivialisation, which was very gratifying as was perhaps the biggest endorsement of my approach

• There were further calls for me to embrace performance art - very kind, but not for me right now I feel (I think all art is performance art, and I’m more interested in how I could enable other to perform/participate to create artefacts that would be the artworks e.g. everyone's shared performance for “Wish You were Hear” and the art book of postcards was the resulting permanent piece (even if it was a dim shadow of the piece itself))

• Several comments on level of thought and care in the work which were really appreciated as it's a core value for me

• It was nice to see more comments on presentation, the quality (physical and metaphorical) of the resin, the tension created by the presentation of “A Month in my Head”. This is something I really worked at in Unit 2, so it was really nice to hear it paying off

• Interesting suggestion to have the masks in conversation for the final show - could be an interesting way to bring it all together, but would I want to literally have them ‘talk’? What other, less literal ways, could they talk?

Analysis of Unit 2 Group Crit Emotional Feedback (affirmative feedback to follow)

While I found the process nerve racking, it was very interesting and useful, and (of course) everyone was lovely. In general there were a lot of comments that affirmed things I already knew, which was good because it useful to see they reached other people. There were a few things I didn't agree with, which was a good chance to revisit, and a few things that hadn't occurred to me, which was really interesting.

I've tried to loosely group the feedback into themes, and to group common comments together.

Reactions to the video

• Many people liked the humour, finding it fun or playful, but many also saw darker shades behind it, and a few people had quite negative reactions ('scared', 'puzzled', 'dodged') which was very interesting (since I felt it had dark undertones but was fairly benign)
• Many people noted the performance aspect
• A few people commented that it was 'clever', which is kind, but also something I'm cautious of, perhaps too many years being passively aggressively put down using the term e.g. "Tom's very clever, but..." or "I'm sure what you have done is all very clever, but..."
• Catherine and JK correctly speculated that the video was itself a piece of 'art' (by which I guess I mean it wasn't fully intended to be taken literally, I guess)
• Madeliena wondered if humour was a protection mechanism, which of course it is - something I well-know about myself and often use deliberately - things getting tense? Maybe everyone laugh! Difficult question? Say something silly but funny
• Several people described the format as engaging, Lucy felt it drew her in, and Aston felt it helped him to listen despite his ADHD by engaging a different mode of listening (which was lovely and interesting)

Reactions to Tomgos and Tathos

• Several people were interested in the relationship between the two and the undercurrent of conflict
• George wondered about how much the 'alter ego' played in the work, which is interesting as a lot of people tend to identify me with Tomgos, but I feel like both, perhaps more Tathos
• Dee wondered what would happen if one of the pair took a holiday - my feeling is it would be disaster - Tomgos alone wouldn't know what he wanted to do (he needs Tathos's passion and ideas), and Tathos alone would have an amazing self-serving time but wouldn't bother to make anything (he needs Tomgos's discipline and critical questioning)
• Lais wondered how many other Toms were not invited to contribute - a very interesting question (in the 'cannon' there is definitely Little Tom and (whisper his name) Big Tom, but with the vague implication that there are more...) I've never involved any other Tom in the creative process - perhaps I should? I

Reactions to the work presented

• A lot of people felt the work was playful on the surface, but had hidden, perhaps sinister depths (yay! ;) )
• Sara described “a strange otherness within the work, almost a longing to find answers to very philosophical questions. I feel intrigued, emotional, melancholic”, which fits with the 'sad clown' persona I've been labelled with before, and which I guess I know is there - many things I do in my life are silly or playful or whimsical, but spiked with darker more wry, almost bitter depths - I adore things that can be taken in different ways, on different levels
• Chelsea wondered about my relationship to the pieces, and whether I am angry towards them or protective, which is interesting as the answer is definitely protective - they are my precious broken things
• Richard felt a sense of something trying to break out
• Eliza wondered how the work had helped me on my own journey - I think it's helped me understand that I am deeply angry without realising it, but on the whole art is the thing I escape to - generally if I'm making lots of art, it's a sign I'm sad, not happy, it's me escaping an everyday life I can't always fully manage

Other observations about the work

• Several people wondered if performance should be part of my work - a question I continue to ask myself and continue to tentatively answer 'no' - performance is problematic in many ways, but also somehow misses the point of art for me (sorry performance artists, I love you!)
• Several people (perhaps inevitably) wondered where all this was heading!
• Chelsea observed the work was delicate and careful, which I was very grateful for her noticing (so much care goes into the work, but I don't know how much is observable in the final product)
• JK wondered if the dialogue should be more evident in the work, or whether it was strictly part of the process for now (I'd say it's really just a trumped up analogy for the process)
• Sara saw a “subconscious surrealism” in the work, which is very flattering and something I've been exploring - magical realism perhaps
• Richard suggested I go big (right now I want to go small, but I'm open to the idea)
• Chelsea felt it's ok not to finish things if the lessons have been learnt - 100% agree, but the question for me then becomes "why finish anything?" and if you do finish some stuff, what, and why?
• Holly observed my use of the body in my work, trapped or encased, fragmented, which is very interesting as I've never really thought about the fact that I've moved from heads to hands - WTF, why haven't I realised?!
• Holly wondered what words I'd use to describe my more recent work (I think the ones above - detached but with dark depths - Tathos hidden by Tomgos)
• Martina was reminded of "poetic synecdoche" which sounds very interesting and I need to dig into that

Overall Conclusions and take-aways

• The work succeeds in creating emotional layers, as hoped, mainly light/humours/playful, with darker undertones of sadness/anger/conflict
• I'm glad I did the video as a piece of performance art, it was fun, and whilst it did distract from the work, as expected, it didn't do so disastrously, and it got a laugh
• At least one person identified the level of effort I put into the work
• I should consider if there's room for more Toms at the table, and if so, who they are, and what they might bring to the work... And if not, why not?
• I'm quite taken with the idea of "strange otherness" and "subconscious surrealism" as I feel it too (a coldness perhaps? Or a unnatural way of thinking? the careful calculated meticulousness of the unhinged??) and perhaps I should lean into it more? It feels like it connects to the null point and my pondering on what art death would make.
• I need to come up with some 'rules' about what I finish and why?
• I need to explore why I use body parts!
• I should try to understand what poetic synecdoche is, and whether it's significant